During the dispute, each stinging word of one married partner can cause the impulsive reaction of another. Then misunderstandings, as a rule, only aggravate. So, listening to your husband or wife, try not only to hear words, but also to understand the feelings that are behind them. Such insight will help you not focus on what annoys you, but see the root of the problem.
For example, imagine yourself in the place of a person to whom your wife declares: “You do not devote time to me at all!»You are angry and begin to refute this reproach with specific facts. “But last month I spent the whole day with you” – you say. However, if you listen carefully, it may turn out that in fact, the wife does not ask to devote more minutes or hours to her for more. She expects support from you and says that she lacks attention and love.
Or imagine yourself as a wife whose husband is dissatisfied through the purchase she had recently made. “How did you manage to spend so much money?”He asks with surprise. The first desire that you have is to protect yourself, bringing facts about the family budget or comparing your expenses to it. However, insight will help you see that your husband may not talk about monetary equivalent. But he is worried that you did not recognize his opinion before making such an expensive purchase.
Of course, each pair decides for how much time to spend jointly and make a decision regarding cash costs. But the bottom line is that when there is a misunderstanding, insight will help you restrain anger and understand what the problem actually is. When you say something, remember that it is important how you do it. When a misunderstanding arises between you and your spouse, how you talk? Or your words cause pain, or, conversely, treat? Or they build obstacles, pave the way to reconciliation? As we have already seen, anger and impulsiveness only cause a quarrel.
If the misunderstanding threatens to develop into a verbal fight, then make every effort so as not to depart from the essence of the problem. Focus on the cause of the dispute and do not go to persons. Think more about what is correct, and not about who takes the right position. Be careful so that in your own words, do not add oil into the fire. Therefore, what you say and how you say, it depends on whether you will be able to find a common language with your married partner.
